I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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