I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
