I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
