I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
