: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
3pm strippers are depressing
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
