Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
