U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
