I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Is that strawberry winking at me??
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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