I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
