yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
