You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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