Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
