I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
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