My first STD was from a foam party
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
This house was built for laser tag.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
