I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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