You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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