I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
