he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
