Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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