so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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