I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
