dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
