First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
