wanna go halves on a baby?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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