The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
