i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
