i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
