No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
