What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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