Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i would punch a child for taco bell
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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