I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
