No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
