what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
