Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
