Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Randomize
