____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
