So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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