Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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