look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I wish there were birth control emojis
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
