the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
A bitchslap is in order.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
