dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
