In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
