This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
