well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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