Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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