u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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