i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He felt like a one man threesome
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
