I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
