Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
