Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
